Different Opening Questions
Are you tired of hearing 'How are you?' — or other shallow greetings that can lead to boring and superficial conversations?
If you're wanting to have deeper and more authentic connections, one way to start is to practice different opening questions.
There are several questions I use regularly with my partner, friends, and family that help foster meaningful conversations and deepen our connections. You may have already heard some of these used throughout our events:
What's alive/present for you?
How are you feeling right now?
What's interesting/exciting/challenging for you right now?
How is your heart?
How is it to be here with me now?
What’s it like to be you today?
Of course, certain questions may be more effective in some situations than others. So it's always helpful to remember the context you are in (e.g. work, family, friends) before you ask something personal or use language the other person may not be familiar with.
For me personally, I like to follow what's present and let my curiosity guide me. For example, I may notice the other person’s body language and begin to feel nervous. I can then share a curiosity about their posture and ask if they feel nervous because I'm feeling nervous, or ask if they wish to share about how they feel.
If I notice their hesitation or reluctance to share, I can also add an intention (for example: “My reason for asking is a desire to feel more connected to you…”). This is because people need to feel safe and trusting to open up—so going first to reveal something vulnerable about yourself can be disarming for the other, and a way to create some of this safety. You might just find that by modeling your own vulnerability, that the other becomes more willing to share honestly about their experience.
Do you have any favourite opening questions? We’d love to hear them in the comments!
-Text by Solomon Krueger